“A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS JUST TWO MINDS AND SOULS COMMUNICATING WITH ONE ANOTHER.” -John Stapleford

HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY MARRIAGE?

This question is always asked but people seldom go to the trouble of answering it until there is a crisis. When it is answered it usually involves an expectation of someone else – your partner – changing in order that the marriage can improve. This road is filled with many disappointments because there is a blind spot which is oneself: instead of focusing on the contribution one can make to the marriage and thereby positively influence the marital dynamics, a person often expects the contribution to come from one’s partner who is expecting precisely the same thing. Thus, a stalemate is created.

A marriage relationship is simply two minds and souls communicating with one another. Therefore, communication is the central and underlying theme in understanding and repairing any relationship. The only person who you own or can control is yourself – that is all you have to work with. So start there – with yourself. Forget converting or trying to influence your partner to adopt your views or thinking. Instead, invest in yourself and grow. You can’t lose. As you develop and as you become more insightful, you will perceive and then act differently based on your new perceptions and insights. And if your partner is willing to do the same thing – if you and your partner work together in a “team” approach - then he/she will grow personally and emotionally as well. Then you will find that the quality of your communications and interactions with each other will be much more positive and proactive compared to the earlier critical and reactive attitude. Both will be giving to the relationship rather than withdrawing and it is through this process that love emerges and positive change occurs.

Marriage counseling has to do with assessing the relationship and helping the couple see clearly the obstacle of dysfunctional dynamics and the root from which this flows. Understanding begins the process of personal improvement and interpersonal satisfaction. This insight and overall perspective heals and gives direction for positive action. Action without insight or understanding is simply flailing.

For those who are planning on marrying, it would be wise to engage in premarital counseling if only for two or three interviews. Premarital counseling can assist you in understanding the strengths in your relationship so both of you can use these strengths and build upon them. It is also very important to be aware of the weaknesses in your relationship so that you can both take great care in protecting and improving these sensitive areas.

Marriage counseling from John Stapleford and Associates explores with the couple the relevant issues. We are interested in helping you by sharing perspectives and tools that foster insight so that you can grow personally and thereby contribute meaningfully in your relationship.

“I have learned that love comes in many different packages, found in many different places and signed with many different signatures.” – John Stapleford

Contact our Toronto office for more information.

- top -